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Is
Your Spouse Cheating? Is your spouse cheating? Sadly and amazingly enough
this sort of behavior is going on in Christian marriages too! What can
people do when they realize that their spouse has been unfaithful? First
of all understand that this problem is not about “how you feel”.
Your feelings are ok to have but don’t base your actions on those
feelings. The pandemic of adultery in marriage today is all
about the cheater—they are mislead into believing that they can
defraud and disrespect another person’s physical space while at the
same time trespassing against the marriage bed. Reality dictates that
this will happen again and again until your spouse gives up the need for
approval and emotional ego boosting from others, which happens only when
they get right with God. Most people who do cheat on their spouse and use
others emotionally and sexually do it to “feel” better about who
they are. There’s usually no “real love” involved in the
relationship because it’s only based on what one can gain from it.
They use others to create a facade of happiness, but it is a false sense
of happiness. Happiness comes from within the contentment of a person
and not from what they can get from others. Married folks who cheat over and over again are
addicted to acting out sexually and emotionally because the newness of
any new relationship strokes the ego and reassures them they are worth
something. As with any relationship based on feelings, the feelings of
desire that they have for the other person will soon diminish and they
are back out looking for someone else to fuel their need for approval.
Ironically it will most likely be someone else who is also approval
needy. This is sad indeed. Everyone is a creation of God
and has special qualities about them that make them unique and valuable
in society. But unfortunately some people do not really consider
themselves to be a child of God and therefore have low self-images and
never come out of their shells—this is one reason why they have
superficial relationships with others. Spiritual bankruptcy leads to
selfish behaviors. God intends marriage to be a sanctified (set apart)
union based on acts of love and the encouraging and building up
of one another. When these two components in marriage cease to exist, a
person is more inclined to check out the grass on the other side of the
fence. But society still cannot blame one spouse for the indiscretions
of another because adults have choices. If they are mature enough to get
married then they are certainly mature enough to make moral choices for
themselves. Blaming one spouse for the failure of the marriage is a
copout. Is Your Cheating Spouse Sex Addicted? Sexual and emotional addiction starts in the mind
of individuals early on in life. As in any addiction the “acting
out” part of the addiction is only a symptom of something greater
going on within the addict. With any addiction the addict needs deep
inner healing before they will recover. We see many people with addictions go to
rehabilitation, psychiatric counseling, alcoholics anonymous and sex
anonymous, but they still are still being controlled by their
addictions. What is the problem? These treatments are fine and good as
secondary methods of treating addiction but for true healing, emotional
and spiritual, to take place the addict needs to seek God for their
sustenance. God created us
and is the only Source that can make us whole people in
Him. We have to change our attitude, our heart, and mind and become new
people. God will give us the ability to love others and ourselves
properly. Unfortunately for many people, pride keeps the
addict controlled by their addiction because they care more about the
approval from people than from God. In the case of Hollywood celebrities
they feel they must keep their image intact. This is the saddest part of
it all—being afraid to show how God matters in your life. For those
people who never deny their selfish and sinful life, they will always be
living in an unhappy existence. Those
who love an addict will continue to be abused and pained by the
behaviors of the addict unless they take care of their own life and do
something about their circumstances. Is your spouse cheating? As you can see, it is not
your problem. They aren’t doing it to you—they are doing it to
themselves. Yes, it hurts to know that the person you love has been with
someone else and your feelings tell you lies, like your spouse doesn’t
love you anymore or they don’t find you attractive but your feelings
are wrong. Your spouse doesn’t know how to love properly and they
cheated because they are spiritually sick—and have no respect for
themselves or for those they cheated with—it has nothing to do with
you. So what would God want you to do about this? Your only part is to love the person, if that’s possible, and not enable the behavior. If they won’t get the healing they need, what can you do? You have to take care of yourself, right? Don’t let their addiction consume your own life and undermine your faith and love in God. The only thing God asks of you is to be a good example to your spouse. Leave the addiction with the addict and let them be responsible for their lifestyle. They have to WANT to give it up and you can't do that for them. |